Bella Black
by MistressMetis
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange is not sure if she can keep the facade of the maniac up any longer. She longs to be Bella Black again. One night she meets Hermione Granger at the Black Lake and she makes a decision.


I am such a huge enormous mess. My life is awful and I am supposed to be a malicious bitch. I haven't felt like myself in over 20 years. My skin is broken in too many places and the bruises are painted on me as if I was a canvas. They range from black to yellow and pink to purple. My bones have been replaced by Skele-Grow over a hundred times now. I am 36 years old and I am a mess. I don't even know how all of this happened, well I do know, I just don't want it to be true.

I grew up being raised by Druella and Cygnus Black, yes I am one of the Black sisters. I have been set up for failure in the womb. I am female and so are my siblings, my mother didn't give my father the heir that he wanted, and I have been punished for that. I will never let my sisters be hurt, therefore I took the brunt ever since I was four years old. I am used to pain, the Cruciatus has stopped hurting me by the time I was 6, it had already been used on me in excess. Not many people would believe me if I told them that I have always been shy, they would probable outright laugh. They only know what I show and that is not much; my face is either blank or it sports a maniac smile. I have been hurt too many times to let emotions show, they call me crazy and unhinged but that is only what I want them to think. If they knew just how broken and damaged I really am, they would never respect me and I would be dead in a matter of seconds.

I am Bellatrix Lestrange, but only on the outside. Inside I still very much am Bella Black, the girl that loves her sisters more than life itself, whose favorite days are spent reading in that one huge dark blue armchair in her families library, the girl that would never hurt a fly and cries a lot. The girl who dislikes her curly hair, who is self conscious about her huge bust, whose favorite scents are rose, mint, parchment and burning wood. The only girl in her year who didn't like to gossip or boys, the girl who prefers hot coco to tea and pumpkin juice. The girl who sits in the astronomy tower every night and looks at the stars, who plays with the house elves and the girl who had to give all of those things up because of what was expected of her. Because there was no male heir to their family she had to jump in to save the families honor, she was forced to be a death eater and with that Bella Black became Bellatrix Lestrange. I had to marry the man that rapes me every night, while I try to hold back the tears; I had to remove my little sweet sister from the family tapestry and I was to never talk to her again. I put my big girl face on and I tortured and killed, whilst acting as if I was enjoying it. I became one of the guys and love was long gone. My other sister needed my protection, therefore I couldn't quit if I didn't want her hurt. So I did what He expected of me, when Lucius fucked up it was me who got punished by Him, so that Narcissa didn't have to worry. I became an imposter, I was locked away in Azkaban. Azkaban was not as bad as my life, the Dementors sucked the last happy thoughts out of me, the only things that kept the facade of Bellatrix Lestrange up.

Now I am sitting in this somber room, surrounded by death eaters and the Dark Lord and they are talking about getting some prophecy that could help us to find out how to kill Harry Potter. I don't understand the obsession Voldemort has with that boy. I don't want to fight anymore, to act as someone else. Narcissa found a way out and lives with Andromeda, protected by the Order of Phoenix. I don't have to stay for her anymore, but what would I do? Everyone believes me to be this creature. i don't think many people see me as human anymore. I don't feel like one either, actually it has been a long time since I have felt anything.

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Bellatrix Lestrange is getting up from her seat and walks out of the room. The Death Eaters look after her as if she was crazy, they weren't surprised though. Bellatrix was not like anyone else, she did what she wanted and got away with it. Bellatrix decided to take a walk along the Dark Lake, Hogwarts was not a safe place for someone like her but it was the only place that made her feel something. And that was exactly what she needed, some kind of feeling.

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I was sitting under a big tree, watching the waves in the dark. The icy wind of the Scottish Highlands in my face and my unruly bushy mane even crazier than usually. I made some music play with a swish of my wand and put some mason jars all over the place. The music mixed with the sound of waves crashing on the shore were an amazing combination. I loved this place just like this ever since my first year at Hogwarts, Hogwarts always has and always will be my happy place. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence within me for a while. I have always been able to find calmness within myself, but I lost that ability a few years back. The voices in my head never shut up, so situations like this are worth more than anything else. These times are the only ones that keep me going, in which I feel like myself.

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I saw someone sitting on my spot, I came out here to get rid of all my problems and worries even if just for one night. But there, sitting under a tree, illuminated by lots of tea lights, is a beautiful woman. Her cheeks are flushed and her pale skin is glowing in the light. She looks so peaceful. I hear some soft music playing, all in all it seems perfect. I go a little closer to get a better view of the strange woman. Oh god, it is Bellatrix Lestrange. But she doesn't look like her usual maniac self, I don't think I have ever seen her look so calm. She doesn't even realize that I am here. She is shivering, with a swish of my wand I put a warming charm on her. I can see a smile over her face. No, this woman is not Bellatrix Lestrange. I wonder if I should make myself known. I decide to sit down next to her.

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„Good evening, may I join you?" Hermione Granger asks the woman. Bella looks up, she is shocked to see a tall, brown eyed girl standing over her. „Arent you scared?" Bella asks the girl. „No, I don't think you will hurt me. This is my happy place, and it seems to be yours as well, therefore I don't think that you are Bellatrix Lestrange right this second. I would be scared and running already if you were but no one who enjoys the breeze, the sound of waves crashing and the moon shining is a threat. You appear very calm and nothing like your usual maniac self." Bella chuckles, it is deep, rich and honest chuckle. Bella looks the girl in the eyes. „You are Hermione Granger. I know all about you, please sit down. And thank you for the charm I really appreciate it. I didn't even realize I was , and you are right. I am not my usual self right now and this is indeed my happy place."

Hermione sat herself right next to Bella, so close that their legs and shoulders brushed and both enjoyed the warmth that the other body provided. „Please call me Hermione. I absolutely love this spot. The fresh air and sea. It is especially great when there is a storm raging." „Call me Bella, this is the only place that makes me feel." Hermione looks at the older woman, she is strikingly beautiful. Her hair is messed up and she has huge obsidian eyes, a straight nose and high, pronounced cheek bones. She is not wearing any makeup and still there are only a few little wrinkles, she looks more real somehow, completely different from her usual looks. Bella is wearing black yoga pants and a pale blue sweater. Hermione didn't think that she had ever seen anyone as be as beautiful as Bella.

„I understand that all too well, the same goes for me. Ever since I became a witch, my parents stopped talking to me and they made me move out with 11. I went to an orphanage and they don't treat kids very nicely. Especially not ones that go to a fancy boarding school all year around. With the war I had to keep myself under wraps and show a neutral face to survive. This is the only place that I can be me. And I was rambling I am sorry". Bella looks at the girl, she could relate to everything the girl just said. „You don't need to be sorry, I am though. You didn't deserve any of that. This war is stupid and unnecessary, that it involves so many children is atrocious. Everywhere I go there is only hate, and quite frankly I am sick of it. I don't wanna be this empty shell that I have been. I wanna be me, I don't want to have people running just from seeing me. I have become a monster and I hate every second of it." „Why did you?" „What do you mean?" „Why did you become a monster? It is okay if you don't want to tell me, but I can't believe you did it on your free will. You don't seem like that kind of person." „You have to promise that this, all of this conversation goes no further than this spot." Hermione nods. „I was forced by my parents to join the death eaters, because they only had daughters one of us had to save the families honor. I would never let any of my sisters do that to themselves, therefore I did. It was the worst and the best decision I made." Hermione looked at Bella expectantly. „Well, it saved my sisters lives but it destroyed, no destroys me." A lone tear ran down Bellas face, Hermione caught it with her thumb and softly brushed it away. „Narcissa and Andromeda are save now though. The Order is protecting both of them, so why didn't you take the chance to become yourself again?" „I cannot." „What is that supposed to mean?" „Just that. I can't." „You are an impressively brave witch, I guess by protecting your sisters you got hurt a lot. But I don't think that you are broken yet. Look around you. You made this place, it is a part of Bella. She is still inside there and you have the chance to get her out you should take it. I would hat to see this beautiful woman go to waste."

Bella looks at her with surprise and worry. „Do you mean it?" „Whatever do you mean?" „You think I am a beautiful woman?" „Of course, I always tell the truth. I don't understand how you wouldn't see it though. Your face is very aristocratic, it says ‚I am a Black' and your curves are magnetizing, every woman would kill for those. Your hair goes amazingly well with your looks and your skin is unblemished. I like your eyes best, they are so expressive." „Thank you, I haven't felt like a woman in a long time and I don't think I have ever been called beautiful or anything like that." „Apparently the people you surround yourself with are blind." „No, they see me as an object to play with and the rest of the time I am one of the guys. I don't think I have talked with a female in the last 20 years, apart from Cissy that is." „What do you mean play with?" „Rape." „Are you serious?" Bella gives her an icy look. Her eyes betray her though. Hermione can see the sadness and brokenness of the woman next to her. Very slowly she puts an arm around Bella. When her arm comes to rest on the older witches back, she flinches. „What is it?" Bella stands up and pulls the sweater from her torso, she stand in front of Hermione in a bra and yoga pants. „So much to unblemished skin and beautiful right." Hermione senses the change in Bella, she too gets up.

„You are much shorter than I expected. I don't think any different about you than I did a few minutes ago. You are beautiful. Handled in a terrible way, but beautiful nonetheless." Hermione gets her wand out and Bella takes a step back. „I am not going to hurt you I promise." Hermione traces every bruise and scrap with her wand and makes them disappear. „Now you are perfect again." „I will never be perfect." „Oh but you are already. Do you want to know what the first thing was that I thought when I saw you? I thought ‚Who is that beautiful woman?' and that didn't change. I don't know you but I would like too, you are not the crazy person people believe you too be. You, Bella Black are perfect. Your curves are mesmerizing and your bust is magnificent." She takes a step closer and pulls the shorter witch in an embrace. Hermione whispers in her ear: „You are soft and luscious, your bust is voluptuous and you smell of fire, roses and parchment. You have an air of calm around you and I find you fascinating." Bella was first tense in Hermiones arms, it had been a long time ago that someone had hugged her, with every word she relaxed some more. Hermione calmed her and she felt like the little girl she once was again. „Thank you." „You are very welcome, Bella. Would you like me to help you become your old self again?" „I would love that, but I don't want to burden you with that. I am no easy person to be around, don't think that I will always be the way I am right now." „I know that, but I think you deserve someone protecting and caring for you for once." „Let's do this then." With that Hermione apparated them away.


End file.
